Yep, despite the opulent surroundings that South Yarra’s elite pay to live amongst, even the neighbouring Alfred ICU was looking like the more rosy place to be.
It was a drop in the ocean (and must be said, a very kind gesture) for the might of South Yarra to loan AC Malvern a set of white tops - It was the very last piece of generosity to fall AC’s way.
As the AC 11 retreated from out under the ageless oak trees for kickoff, it was clear South Yarra sniffed an opponent well and truly on the back foot. Conversely, ‘the Yarra’ started with a bang, playing keepings off as AC were left for dust in going with a very slick moving South Yarra side. AC barely had a bootlace to the ball when the first attack of the game found the back of the net inside 2 minutes. 1 nil South Yarra, and AC heads – sensing it was going to be a f*cking long afternoon, dropped that little bit further.
The hiding continued, and South Yarra couldn’t get enough of the ball and were lining up to dine out on uncontested possession, tackle-shy Malvernians, and even the chance to attack from their own half. After several wasted opportunities, providing Wong with a barrage of goal kicking practice, a second was added courtesy of a clichéd brit-boy skinheaded geezer. A belting was on the horizon.
Now I don’t know if we all heard it, but this match reporter certainly did. Words to the effect of: “this is like a training drill!” from the pursed lips of one South Yarra toff. Two goals inside 15 minutes, and I suppose they might’ve felt that way - enough said though as the boys from Central Park went about making amends for a horror start.
The possession count was still lop-sided, but the hardness AC are renowned for began to surface, as the lads got in the face of the home side. Every second tackle seemed to result in a Yarra free kick even when the ref - who bizarrely felt it was acceptable to officiate from the half way line - got it plain wrong. Initial questioning re both matters decision-wise and correct officiating decorum drew the simple (again bizarre) response: “you didn’t provide a linesman, therefore you have no right to question any of my calls, stop complaining”. Captain Cresswell, as captains do, politely offered: “Now mate, I’m pretty sure all those pilgrims didn’t bring the host a plate when they converged onto Bethlsaida, yet i’m tipping they weren’t excluded from the spread of bread and fish laid on by J.C.”…...
Ok, so maybe Steve didn’t say that, but whatever he did say, the ref astounded all, replying: “you should be over there, playing with them” as he pointed dagger-like to the adjacent oval of young girls having a kick. This was iced with a yellow card. Steve’s reply to that was most unholy, albeit appropriate. What, with all this god and fury about, it was half expected that Pricey would intervene and float over with his token angelic gesture to calm things.Instead, we reluctantly agreed to disagree and just got on with the game. The next free kick – surprisingly to them – found a ball over the AC wall where poor marking would see the easiest of tap in headers from point blank range. 3 nil.
From there AC stepped up another gear, a run from Tim up the middle resulted in a late challenge from the South Yarra centre back, AC won a long overdue free kick, and Tim a faceful of dirt. With Damo running hard out wide - despite the affections of some tight marking, Steve consistently sent the ball long in search of Hendy and the height of Duncan, with support from Dave at ground level. Finally, the South Yarra defenders were being forced into to doing just that, defend. An eventful first half reached it’s conclusion, the cocky swagger of the home team obvious. The AC lads meanwhile, were seething at the firebrand in black, for refusing to cut them an even break – fittingly he sat under a tree on his own.
Half time – and it must be said, was the most eventful part of the afternoon for all concerned in the red & black corner. The first 4 minutes of the interval were invested in plotting an elaborate plan to assassinate the referee, and the next 4 spent on the more gentlemanly approach of lodging a written formal complaint. The final 2 minutes, and it was no doubt fuelled by the first 8, was all about our response to the first half and what we needed to do to get back in the game – Wise heads loosened their tongues and it was implored to the boys 1. We NEVER give in; and 2. Fight like tigers!
Stirring stuff, and certainly no flash in the pan as AC came out firing, determined to win the ball “at all costs” and dominate the one on one contests. South Yarra continued to try and attack like a team winning 3 nil might with cries of “let’s finish this off now!” the mantra. With a full compliment of substitutes, including Carmelo Anthony, South Yarra made regular changes, something AC didn’t have the luxury of calling on.
But AC had reserves of a different kind - determination and a true fighting spirit, despite the massive deficit. As an even contest played out, it became apparent that the pressure and expectation was firmly on the shoulders of the highly fancied South Yarra. Added to this, the bulk of two of the Yarra’s other Sunday teams watched an epic second half unfolding, providing a hostile fortress for the visiting AC Malvern. Some men use dencorub, others tiger balm, it must be a South Yarra thing though, cos I’m certain these men were using glue for whatever pre-match purpose. What a hazard it was to become! As time and time again their hands found themselves stuck to the shirts of the AC players. Of course, South Yarra’s “12th man” did
bugger all about it.
AC maintained their concentration, as the fab four, Pricey-Colin-Matt-Coults, were churned through a ton of defensive work repelling wave after wave of attack and coolly pushing the ball to safety with Dave & Steve on hand to counter.
The spaces begun to open up for AC, Damo and Tim on their respective wings showing no fear in charging downfield at defenders in search of a waiting Hendy, the lone ranger up front, who was really beginning to take on, and typically beat more than one red shirt when given the chance.
Suddenly, the first half wasn’t a factor, AC had forgotten the score, and it was like the ref hadn’t come back on for the second half. South Yarra were now playing like a team on level pegging, their jersey tugging only bettered by their shameless tripping and pushing & shoving.
Then the breakthrough, as Wong, having a solid game, punched a goal kick straight down the middle of the ground finding the head of Tim who provided a deft flick over the Yarra talls at the back and into the path of a steaming Hendy who patiently waited for the ball to sit up before volleying home, 3-1. The game had begun.
Angry as all hell, South Yarra began biting harder and at each other in an attempt to pull back the ascendency. Damo continued his physical battle with the Yarra’s left winger, even if it meant kissing dirt and ending up on his haunches for the sake of a possession. This was backs-to-the-wall football, and the fab four knew no exceptions, grunting and grinding out tackle after tackle as Colin directed the troops accordingly.
To their credit, South Yarra with their heavy weight of numbers and deep talent pool didn’t halt in terrorising the AC goalmouth, and really should’ve put the game to bed. They didn’t though, and AC kept playing like the game was within reach. Coults fired a long pass out wide to Tim who, sensing his hairlipped opponent was closing, pulled out a turn seen only every three seasons (the last time being at this ground from memory!). With his pants well and truly around his ankles before the band of vocal Yarra supporters, an unsporting act followed. Twinkle-toes, on his way down the wing in search of Hendy, was blatantly tripped over by hairlip flooring the AC left winger. Linesman or not, a card should’ve been shown, but alas, not a brass razoo. Well, a free kick maybe….
With the constant grounding of AC personnel, one AC victim would later be heard complaining: “f*ck me, not even a Grey street hooker working a long weekend would have knees this sore!”
It wasn’t to be forgotten, and in an attempt to show AC were not intimidated by the school yard bully tactics, hairlip found himself on the end of a solid bump by Tim, both players hitting the canvass. Hairlip, another brit geezer, reached for his backpocket with the intention of drawing Tim a Chelsea smile, before thinking better of it and instead downgrading his retaliation to a solid kick to the shin. Yes people, the bloody shin, behind a hard piece of plastic. Now, i’m pretty sure any retaliation is going to have you receiving your marching orders – so why not go the head, the guts, hell, a nipple cripple! The lesson here: Make your parting shot count!
But he didn’t, and it was water off a ducks back as AC would immediately find themselves back on the attack courtesy of a fine running movement which saw the ball zig-zag – Matt to Coults, forward to Steve pushing across to Tim, then right to a rampaging Duncan looking for Hendy. The Yarra cleared but the ball stayed in their half, Damo buzzed around the area looking for the cross and settling for a corner. The Yarra were on the run, and AC Malvern were hunting them down – like a tiger.
More terrific passing in close again caught the Yarra out and finally Hendy, who’d gone close several times was brought down in the box after beating 3 yarra defenders. 3-2 as he nailed the penalty.
The final whistle would see the Yarra hang on – just. AC Malvern would leave Fawkner Park with grazed limbs and bruises aplenty, but with their spirits and heads held much higher than when they arrived. Coults would epitomize the physical encounter, a bloodied head from an errant boot for his troubles, to go with yet another groin strain, guaranteeing a classic watercooler anecdote come Monday morning.
AC had won the second the second half, keeping the home side goalless. Captain Cresswell sucked back a hard earned Alpine and conveyed everyone’s thoughts:
“We’ve never fought that hard before”.
AC Malvern 2 - 3 Sth Yarra
2 Henderson
Mannies Man of the match: Colin – a rock at the back
WAGS Man of the match: Hendy – a diamond up front
The rumour mill:
Could it be!??! AC Malvern Tigers in 2011
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