The FFV, following orders from the Sepp Blatter and fellow FIFA suits in Zurich, promoted the top four teams from season 2009. Under the new “Blatter-Gate” ruling AC squeezed into the top four with a narrow 3-2 win against Sandringham in the last round taking fourth on goal difference.
A late lobby and plea for compassion to the FFV fell on deaf ears. One now wonders whether the rumours of backroom dealings and bribery that had plagued Blatter during his 2002 quest for FIFA Presidency could be at play here. Let’s hope that Blatter doesn’t instigate his ideal for the fairer sex football this year and insist we “wear tighter shorts and low cut shirts... to create a more appealing aesthetic”. Somewhat contradictory, this flies in the face of his 2004 ruling which mandates cards for those who take their tops off, but maybe that’s just aimed at pasty white Northern Irish lads such as [name removed for legal reasons]. It seems Sepp Blatter is a complex man with twisted views.
Controversial administrator rulings and massive fee hikes aside AC lost a few good men over the summer; Gumby, gone to report on East Kilbride FC in Southern Glasgow; Simon i2.0 Talbot, searching for Kraft’s next big branding opportunity and club legends Engel and JT. New blood steps in and a changing of the guard may be the net result, but let’s pause for a moment and recognise the service of these great men and remember many of us would not have met if JT hadn’t started the club all those years ago. So, from all the boys past and present, thanks lads and you have each been added to the AC Malvern Hall of Fame.
The off season:
The very make up of the Malvern boys changed dramatically during the break. The core was previously single and drunk most of the time, but the hot sun and extra vitamin E has made them all a little soft.
The Wee Weegie, Hendo got himself married dressed in a skirt, sorry kilt. Steve showed shooting form far better than his penalty taking and got Sarah pregnant. Zoolander Dennis finally got himself out of his hospital bed just before Christmas and finds himself engaged. Others too have ditched the moniker of being “single” ensuring that we adopt the Peter Crouch ethos, that is; if we are rubbish on the pitch we will at least have the best looking WAG’s in the league, thus boosting attendance.
As far as training goes, in true Malvern fashion it has been light on to say the least. In fact, some may have put on a few kegs over the summer months with tops fitting a little tighter around the pudding and gravy as illustrated above right.
What lies ahead?
Promotion stirred the emotions of many, and after the melancholy past the road ahead doesn’t look so bad, does it? Sure, the lofty goals of a premiership for season 2010 may be tweaked just a little; however there will be a good bunch of lads on the park each week to enjoy the trials and tribulations ahead.
This Saturday marks the official start of the pre-season, one week out from season proper. The opponents are traditional pre season rivals, Moreland FC on the pool table smooth artificial pitches at the State Football Centre. This is the first hit out for few AC debutants, but importantly the first official appearance of the WAG’s (Malvernette’s) to distract opponents.
Season 2010 offers many challenges; filling the void left by the loss of club legends, tougher opponents and the arduous task of arranging suburban visiting visa’s for the trips out to Berwick, Nunawading, Wheelers Hill and Clayton. Ewwwwwww…..anyway, stay tuned for the journey of season 2010.
