Come on lads, calm down, it's Mothers Day!

The winds of change are blowing through the trophyless AC Malvern headquarters. Never before in the clubs history have players shown such contempt for the club creed, or foundation on which the clubs fine history was built. Change is seems comes in many forms, but for the lads at AC Malvern it is in the form of a new found commitment. Change one; thirty minutes before kick off and at least six players were at the ground and ready to play instead of rolling up with five minutes to spare. Change two; despite a night out for the celebration of another year in the Cockney Cresswell’s life; Phillips, Hendo, Coulter, Dennis and Cresswell all arrived without hangover and importantly still sober. The same could not be said for rouge striker Pricey.

The Blues of Riversdale cause all sort problems in the same fixture last year, and after giving Old Trinity an eight nil drubbing in round one, this would prove to be the first real test of season 2009. Caroline Wilson, The Age chief football writer, took time out of her busy schedule during the week to “offer” her insight and preview the blockbuster, however no one listened, nor cared.

With the game underway, Riversdale looked to have some skill, stringing more than two passes together without turning the ball over, frustrating the Malvern midfielders. Fortunately for AC this wasn't to last long before the brute force and silky skills of the red and black machine (white and red today in the away strips) cracked the tricky Riversdale and saw Engel, Creswell, JT and Mad Mike start to get the ascendancy.

The first breakthrough came courtesy of, what will become all to familiar in this game, and that was a Hendo run (pictured left), down the left before a passing to Mad Mike at the top of the box which he gently, by comparison to last week, slotted the ball past the keeper, ruffling the ol’ onion bag; 1-0.

Just before the half, Riversdale put together a couple of slick moves before unleashing a corker from well outside the box. AC defender Rich Owen was on hand to relive the moment. "It was like watching the Matrix as it unfolded, the ball slid past in slow-mo destined for the inside corner of the net until 'Divine intervention' saved us. Con launched his hulking frame left and miraculously got his hand to the ball - stopping a certain goal"

HALF TIME

The second half started with AC full of confidence despite a last minute scare and it wasn't long before the Wee Weegie [http://www.weegieweb.org.uk/] was again weaving his magic. This time picking the ball up inside the box pulling the trigger with alarming power for a little lad and the keeper looked to have save it however; Newtons first law, the law of inertia applied allowing the ball to trickle across the line; 2-0

With wind in their sails and the ball at the feet of match day captain, JT, the signs were beginning to look ominous for Riversdale and JT was about to add to their troubles. Positioned at the edge of the box, the man who advised his team mates to "go easy on the tackles", sent forward a pile driver of a shot which the hapless keeper could only watch it fly past into the net. 3-0

With Riversdale's backs to the wall tensions began to rise. This once proud club were having their pants pulled down and were considering their options; their choice was to whine about how physical the boys from Malvern were being. Sure we had our hard men like; Mad Mike, JT, Matty P and add to that the annoyingly yappy Dennis, it's enough to frustrate the best of them. On this occasion your humble reporter will suggest that all the aforementioned were in check and on reasonably good behaviour. Heated words, a little push an shove resulted before our Holy Goalie, Con, boomed the following words "Come on lads, calm down, it's Mothers day". I'm not certain if it was guilt or the prospect of getting in trouble from their mothers, but anger subsided and football resumed.

Soon after "fight night" finished and Pete streamed down the right wing to find himself in the box and at the end of a pass from Mad Mike. He went this way, then that way in a rendition of last weeks infamous Riverdance goal, before beating the keeper and slotting number four for the day. The highlight of the goal was surely the celebration where Pete ran for the corner post about to do a Cahill style celebration, but a late change of mind resulted in him replicating his idol, CR7's, celebration (pictured right), with Hendo cleaning his boots; 4-0

We saved the best for last. Riversdale got a late break and were one-on-one with Con; a deft touch sending the ball over a lunging Con at the top of the box and destined for the back of the net with no defenders in the last third. Whether it was pride in the shirt, as he was wearing an England shirt (short on tops) or a Gordie never say die attitude, either way the soon to be birthday boy Coults took off for the ball and managed a miraculous goal line clearance that will never be matched as long as I am made out of plastic. AC Malvern's media department have been contacted since and Mark is headed back home to lead a pre-match address for his mate Alan Shearer and the Newcastle players. The theme; never give up!

And that is how it ended. AC Malvern convincing 4 - 0 winners, and for the first time in recent history start the season with two wins.

AC Malvern 4 - 0 Riversdale

Mad mike, Hendo, JT, Pete

Quote of the day:
“You’re ugly. You’re offensive to look at!” bellowed JT as he reached for his sick bucket like a teenager after a night on the Jagers with Petey. On this occasion, however it was the sight of the "alleged" ugly Riversdale player pictured right with his twin brother. Was JT being Harsh; possibly.

News in brief:

- News of the World in the UK reported overnight that Northern Irish defender, Colin Brien will be signed during the transfer window for an undisclosed fee to cover for the loss of one D. Winton, however insiders at AC suggest Brien, if signed, will have to buy the first slab for the next home game.
- Ivan has been hiding his true identity after a Riversdale attacker exposed the truth late in the match, during "fight night" calling him out as a Ranga saying “I’ll punch you in your throat you Ginger [censored by AC Malvern Lawyers]”, much to the merriment of those around.

- Police Commissioner, Simon Overland, is leading an investigation into the potential of snipers at the AC Malvern games; sighting incidents where our beloved Ralpha went down late in the second half and Mad Mike a touch earlier, both without external intervention as proof they must be on the grassy knol.