Fireworks, body checks and vocal yokels

iPod; check, lollies; check, map; check, perfect, all the things required for a long road trip. With a checklist like that, one could be mistaken for thinking that the boys of AC were about to embark on a road trip of biblical proportions. They were, in fact back in (Christopher) Columbus times Berwick would be considered off the edge of the (flat) earth, an unchartered land.


So, with passports in hand and fuel tanks full all and sundry headed WAY, WAY out South-East to Berwick “City’s” fortress which for the unfamiliar is just shy the iconic Moe. It may also be worth mentioning that the destination is famous for the Australian comedy hit, Kath & Kim being based on the area and its inhabitants. Would we see Kel Day on the sidelines?


Upon arrival we noted that the cows had been moved to a neighbouring paddock and tractors were parked in the shed, all was in readiness. The WAGS positioned themselves to get the best use of the unseasonal sun and talk about shopping when they were approached by a yokel from BCFC. The poor man had not seen that many women at a match let alone a flock of such quality. “Why are you here to watch the thirds? They’re sh*t” he chortled. I can only assume that their response was something along these lines “We’re here for a perve and these boys don’t move to fast. So we can get a real good look!”


We all remember back to the heated Mother’s day battle of 2009 which was brought us unity and the classic lines “Come on lads, calm down, it’s Mothers day” and “You’re ugly. You’re offensive to look at” and who’ll ever forget the “I’ll punch you in your throat you Ginger [censored by AC Malvern Lawyers]”. So what would this year bring us?


The teams took the immaculately manicured pitch and from the beginning it looked like being an intense and ferocious battle. It wasn’t long in when the battle took its first casualty with Dennis taking himself off after 7.3 minutes, sighting an inability to see. [ED Note: It could be argued that his lovely fiancée has lost the ability to see by choosing him] I bet his mum and dad were wrapped to make the journey to see him play for 7.3 minutes. Surely this was pants award worthy?


Back to the game……Berwick had the ascendency early, banking on AC taking time to adjust to the new time zone. Unlike most teams to date, Berwick took advantage and managed to get two quick goals past the birthday boy Captain Cresswell to have AC on the back foot.


With nap time over AC woke to a 2-0 score line which sparked them into action. The spine of Owen, Byrne and Henderson started to take control of proceedings and a goal was imminent.
Riverdance found himself in possession and lumped his right Predator into the ball pushing a speculative pass forward. Hendy, yet to score and desperate to break his duck, sensed a chance begging. He chased hard getting on the end of it and finding himself one on one with the vocal keeper. The wee wedgie kept his composure and scored number one for season 2010; 2-1.


Fireworks and heated words were now becoming the norm. Both playing groups were taking no prisoners and even the benches were getting involved. The WAG’s and Mr & Mrs Dennis were all extremely vocal in their support for AC and distain for the Berwick players and occupants of their bench. It was making for an intense atmosphere.


Jay was looking more like Lionel Messi, totally dominating the midfield, but AC just couldn’t convert despite a couple of good chances. Berwick on the other hand converted their only chance with a cracking goal finding the back of the net; 3-1.


The quality o the game had lifted a notch, matching the intensity from the sidelines. White line fever was starting to show on some players and Berwick gave away a silly free kick outside the box. AC’s Viduka, Ralpha stepped up to take the kick and opted for a short option (not a pun) finding Hendy outside the box on the right. What followed was a beautiful strike that saw the ball majestically fly past defenders and keeper alike. Hendy has number two, but importantly his mojo was back; 3-2.


AC was now playing the best we’ve seen for some time now. Stringing passes together and were intimidating in defence. Jay, playing a blinder continued to dominate, but now Flemming, Mota, Pinkney and Coulter in fact all had lifted and were desperate to beat this mob of hicks.


A sucker punch! Berwick slotted the second cracking and unstoppable goal leaving them up 4-2. AC were quick to respond though as Cresswell took a corner managing to find the head of a floating Owen who made no mistake; 4-3.


The crowd again lifted (if that’s possible) and the volume had now reached fever pitch. Bodies were clashing and AC had opportunities to draw the game level. Quickly though Berwick rode the luck train again getting a third freakish goal, indicating that it just wasn’t AC’s day. That’s unfortunately where the score line finished and both teams headed for the sheds knowing that they were just involved in a classic encounter and another intense Mother’s day battle. This little Meerkat can’t wait until the return leg in Malvern.


AC Malvern 3 - 5 Berwick Schitty
Henderson 2, Owen

Mannie's Man of the Match: Jason Byrne
WAG's man of the Match: Jason Byrne

Bits and Bobs:
- Rumour has it that two AC Players have breached the travel rules finiding themselves on the same plane from Sydney to Melbourne. Have they not learnt anything from Man United's Munich trip?
- Claire Henderson has now certainly lifted the bar in terms of support. She packed a lunch of beautiful fruit, cheese, avacado and biscuits only to have it shared amongst the masses that occupied the AC bench. This WAG's thing is gaining momentum. I expect it wont be too long before they bring along a bottle of crisp white whine to get through the games.


This week:
AC vs old foe, Ol' Melbourne at Central Park Malvern - 1 PM kick off