The mathmatics of football: numbers and triangles

You’ll hear this many times over the coming weeks, but this is the first in a series of MUST win games for the lads of AC Malvern. The season was starting to gain momentum and relegation was potentially something that was very much in the rear view mirror. Then last week happened, and now the sad truth is that relegation may in fact be a lot closer than once thought.


The day didn’t begin too well when it was pointed out to Dennis that he’d purchased yellow line paint, not white, but like a true optimist Dennis suggested that “it’ll look better, a change is as good as a holiday”. The reality is it look weird an evidence that his brain may be on a holiday.

The yokels from Berwick rolled up in their Massey Ferguson’s, (winner of Tractor of the year in 2009) aghast as they watched a very unconventional warm up from the home team. Twelve lads, a video camera an shots towards goal..all end of season party preparation I’m told.


Last time these two teams met, it was a goal fest, with eight finding the back of the net in the 5-3 win to Berwick. So the building crowd expected a great deal from this game. The major challenge for the crowd, the ref and players alike was once again being able to tell the teams apart as there was yet another kit clash. Split Enz summed it up best when they sung “I see red, I see red, I see red. I see reeeeeeed. I SEE RED!” Crazy times.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vKj4upY1VYI

AC were buoyed as the team statistician did a count, built a model in a spreadsheet and concluded that Berwick only lined up with nine players for the first five minutes. Advantage AC, well in theory, but AC couldn’t take advantage of their numerical supremacy. Then with the numbers balanced at 5:30 into the game after the late arrival of some, the Yokels managed to find a way past Wong to take the lead; 0-1.

The soon to be dad, Captain Cresswell responded almost immediately, but pushed the ball wide of the net. What followed was a frantic period where neither team was allowed to settle and shot after shot tested both keepers. Then, 12 minutes in Hendy, like Moses, parted the Red Sea and drove the ball home from outside the box and was determined to lead his team to the Promised Land, the land of victory. 1-1.

Both teams battled away, struggling for the ascendancy with no one finding the key move, tactical change or brilliant pass pull it off. AC were trying everything; long lobs into the path of a rampaging Hendy, quick movement through Pete and Marty on the wings and even channeling the ball through the sure footed midfield of Dave, Jay and Captain Cresswell. Despite the variety of approaches and many shots, all were off target.

Unfortunately for AC, Berwick managed to penetrate the defense and slot another past Wongy to go into the break with a slender lead. Incidentally, the ref blew the whistle a little early, calling the half to an end at 42:13. Not the first time this has happened this season and no surprise that he was not interested in engaging in conversation over the matter, but at least he knows Big Brother, or little Dennis is watching.

HALF TIME

The second half began with promise and hope and an attack minded AC. Back to basics football was the order with balls being played along the ground to maintain control. Find of the year, Dave was showing he paid attention in High School showing a practical application of Pythagoras theorem and geometry as he worked down the pitch using triangle passes to gain forward momentum. Unfortunately though it resulted in about the same level of joy as playing the triangle in the school band; none, with attacks being mopped up at will.

The final blow came as the usually quiet Damo was shown two yellows in a double barrel move by the ref an ordered off the pitch for talking out of turn. Maybe next time Damo will put his hand up first and wait to be addressed? The second crazy re card for the year for Malvern.

With the numbers stacked in favour of the Yokels another goal was inevitable and it came ten minutes after the send off. The score was a VERY familiar 3-1 to Berwick.


A defiant AC wasn’t willing to give up, pushing forward with an unconventional formation of 3-3-3 which was causing problems. Time unfortunately wasn’t on their side and the sun had set on this battle with Berwick holding out for the 3-1 win.


The scoreline, 3-1, is now all the rage as this was the seventh match for AC with the aforementioned result, with only two of them being victories.


After the dust settled and the ladder was updated; AC Malvern now find themselves square on the bottom of the table and staring straight down the barrel of relegation. The only thing on their side is the fairly tight battle between the bottom five teams meaning a couple of sneaky wins may save the day and their pride.


AC Malvern 1 – 3 Berwick City
Henderson

Mannies Man of the Match: Dave [insert surname here]
WAG's Man of the Match: After long debate, Matthew Pinkney

News:
- Steve is still yet to be a dad. Chances are Sarah will time delivery for Sunday morning around kick off, but known Steve he'll tell her to wait until he gets back from football.
- Rafa Dennis has this week stepped down from coaching AC suggesting that he can only give so much. The truth is that the players staged a revolved akin to the Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey's (France) in the World Cup and demanded Coach Norf Lundon back. So, rumour has it the statistically more successful Lundon will return for this weeks clash, probably dunk. As a protest chief WAG, Laurie will boycott attendance, but be checking the internet for score updates.

A dark day......in the mud.

It was an ice cold wind that greeted the players of AC at Deepdene Reserve on Sunday. This has been an unhappy hunting ground and the signs were ominous from the start; players pulling out, ring-in’s arriving without boots, shorts or socks and a pitch with a split personality. The wings and penalty areas were pristine and lush like a bowling green; however the centre was straight out of the mud soccer world cup, pictured.

The silver lining amongst the cloud of despair was the arrival of a reasonable ref. The now nominated, Ref of the year (ROY), allowed for a democratic process when deciding if the game should go ahead. “We’re here, we’re dress so let’s play” agreed the AC and Ol’ Camberwell coaches and so it was to be game on with a minor caveat. ROY had decided that if a player has the ball in the mud heap and someone comes close to tackling it’s an auto free kick. It seems that Occupational Health and Safety transcends the workplace and has well and truly arrived on the sporting pitches.


ROY signalled the beginning of the game, and the mud crabs kicked off proceedings. The early going was tough as players from both teams struggled to adjust to the variability of the ball movement with plenty over running it in the midfield.


Such was the excitement on the pitch that the spectators turned to Basil the Bullmastiff to provide entertainment who didn’t disappoint. Basil is a noted wallet thief and he went about showing a captive audience how he goes about it. A sudden bark and gesture toward the pitch and Basil dragged the viewer’s attention back to the game.


What unfolded next had everyone wishing that they were watching ANYTHING else! A long back pass from the foot of Dave sailed toward Wong. Like watching a slow mo replay we watched a David James moment unfold where the ball eventually landed square in his hands. ROY had no choice, but to offer a free kick in the box at VERY close range. Fortunately for AC the kick was taken and was cleared without finding the net prompting Hollywood directors to ponder a new film; Richard Wong in the Greatest Escape. [Ed note: this happened a second time, but ROY let the second one slide]


Captain Cresswell and Dave were doing their best to control the midfield/mud bath, but the OC were playing better than their second last place suggests. Balls were pushed forward at will and it wasn’t too long until the OC players found themselves one on one with Wongy. With the odds stacked against the AC keeper the OC boys found the back of the net twice in quick succession.


An angry AC hit the showers bitter about what had transpired in the first half. The score was OC 2 – AC 0 and Basil had acquired three wallets.


HALF TIME


What would happen in the second half? Well, what would unfold would be an all out attack from OC which pushed the limits of AC’s defence.


The talisman, Rich Owen was the central figure in making some key clearances and saving the gloves of Wong. When the back four were penetrated early, Wong was up to the challenge making some important saves.


As the game matured attacks grew in number and it was like trying to stop a waterfall with a glass; you can save a little, but it’s inevitable that you’ll be flooded. The flood came in the form of OC’s number 15. His run down the wing was far too much for both Pricey and Tim to handle and he found himself in scoring positions all too frequently. Eventually a goal would be the result and the celebration of the ball finding the net would be started by number 15.


Pete sensing the sinking ship took it upon himself to cover every inch of the pitch in order to help shut tOC down. His lung busting runs would find him deep in defence and right up to AC’s box attacking and getting on the end of AC’s only two chances for the half, and possibly for the game.


Soon enough the nemesis, 15, would breach the AC wingers and defence before playing in another OC lad to place the ball past Wong and a healthy 4-0 lead.


The game ended; AC got taught a football lesson and ROY is a certainty as AC’s favourite ref. It was only later that OC admitted their lowly ladder position was a result of three of the games getting cancelled this year, thus losing the points. Unfortunately this doesn’t change the result nor warm the hearts of AC as they need to regroup before hosting a visiting Berwick City.


It was an ice cold wind as AC left Deepdene Reserve on Sunday.

AC Malvern 0 - 4 OC

Mannies man of the match: Pete Phillips
WAG man of the match: Steve Cresswell

News:
- Jay is back for the Berwick game and his wallet is no lighter......
- Sparky's back from the UK and his wallet is lighter for all the summer beers
- Basil will front pets court this week, charged with the theft 15 wallets

AC on TV, well kind of......(i)TV

Issues with technology seems to be the hot topic at the moment; from the new iPhone to Myki ticketing systems, technology seems to be an inhibitor rather than an enabler. What does this have to do with humble ol' AC Malvern? Well, technology played it's part in making this weeks post a late one. Well, either technology, or just plain laziness. I'll let you decide!

The lads from the city, well Nunawading City made the journey to the Stadium of Shite this week. The first meeting of these "gladiators" was on Anzac day when AC came out on top 3-1 in an enthralling battle over a shortened game time.

Fingers were crossed today as we waited to see who our ref would be, especially having suffered fools more recently. The ref today would be an important figure as the co-tenants hadn't marked the pitch pre-game which could have resulted in the whole thing being called off. Fortunately for AC a reasonable gentlemen arrived and the game was allowed to continue. As a back up, the ever creative lads were going to ask Pete to lay on the pitch nude to distract with his blindingly white skin. Fortunately this wasn't needed.

A very different looking Nuna took to the pitch, a little less pre-pubesant this time and the game began. The early going was controlled by Nuna who constantly put the AC defense under pressure. Coach Rafa Dennis, sensing an issue switched back to the conventional back four which provided some much needed stabilisation. From here it was a fairly balanced affair until Nuna took a shot and snuck a goal through the legs of Wongy.

AC, not to be outdone went on the attack immediately after with a run down right wing from Pete which resulted in a free kick. A beautifully struck cross by [insert name here] found Jay floating in like his idol Timmy Cahill before heading home the goal; 1-1.

The momentum was now with AC now, but could only manage to end up winning corners, with the corner count 14-1 in the first half. This was looking to be a day when the boys from Malvern where plum out of luck and they would have to rely on cunning skill.

The remained of the first half had very few highlights, but there were a couple of standout moments. First, Wongy was keeping AC in the game with some cracking saves making up for an earlier faux pas. The second was from the Riverdance specialist, Pricey. A little shuffle of the feet in the midfield before taking the ball and striding forward and unleashing a thunderous strike from around 105 metres out (in the gospel according to Price). The ball sailed through the air goal ward as all and sundry held their breath to see what unfolded........Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaoooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh came the collective response as the ball sailed just over the crossbar. A close call, but enough to get a rye smile for the Price as he kissed his right Predator.

HALF TIME

The ref barely had time to pull the whistle out of his mouth before Jay was to score his second goal, in the video below:

AC was to score again, with Hendy playing the opportune striker as shown in the video below:

Despite a multitude of chances AC were unable to hammer home another goal, repeating the scoreline from earlier in the season, 3-1. The win gives them a little breathing space from the bottom of the ladder.

AC now has some momentum with two wins from three games and goes into the early morning game against Old Camberwell this week with a little confidence.

AC Malvern 3 - 1 Nunawading Country
Byrne 2, Henderson

Mannie Man of the match: Jason Byrne
WAG's Man of the match: Dave

Bits an bobs:
- Rich Owen has been given a reprieve on his sentence having it reduced to two weeks. The kind folk at the FFV determined that he was indeed a good bloke, but not a great bloke.
- Sportsbet have Jay at unbackable odds ($1.10) that he will be soon planning his wedding with AC wag Lou after a romantic trip to Tassie.
- AC's "philanthropis" Pricey will have to pull up on his generosity after purchasing a place this week. I assume he'll still pay Pete the $10 he owes him from Sydney? 
- we're officially global.....

The verdict is in......THE PEANUT REF WINS

The tribunal & disciplinary coordinator, Mr Kosta Dokolas has handed down his findings on the incident in which Mr Owen gave a little retaliatory shove to an opponent. The details are below:

FIXED PENALTY SUSPENSION

Penalty imposed for Richard Owen is:

Offence: Offensive, insulting, abusive or intimidating language and/or gestures toward a Club Associate(s) or spectator

Grading: (R6.1_1) 1. Provoked by a tackle or similar action

Date of Offence: 6/27/2010

Suspended for: Auto + 2
So that's a three week holiday and without even swinging a punch. I'm puzzled.....farcical considering the instigator didn't even get a warning!

Simply Red

“Pumped up and full of fight; we want to put this season right!” blared from the radio’s of AC as they moved in convoy to the outer suburb of Wheelers Hill, which is known as Brighton of the burbs. Truth be known, Wheelers Hill is the centre of the Arctic Circle and home of some stunning views of GIANT power lines. Guess I’d neve make a great Real Estate agent writer with my descriptions.


Caulfied Grammer has been flying so far this season and a win here would see them potentially steal top spot from Bayside Argonauts. So, AC would have their work cut out this week as they battled with the elite of the league and the Northern Ireland reserves squad. This fixture however has always been a good battle between these two teams with the win/loss ledger fairly balanced.
The black storm clouds were gathering when the ref FINALLY arrived to officiate proceedings for the day. He then called both teams into the middle of the park to form a circle and deliver his sermon called “the gospel according to a peanut”. Ominous signs for the day ahead, amplified by the fact that a yellow card was handed out to a CG player for having a piece of jewellery on. Yep, the ego had landed and he was undoubtedly going to have some influence on the day.


Lining up with the same formation (3-1-4-2) that sunk the Purple Eagles; AC weren’t intimidated with the might of Caulfied. Coach Rafa Dennis opted with the strike force of Hendy and Stew with pre-match instructions to Stew “You wanted your chance. So this is it; score a goal today”.


The game began and AC were like champion racehorse; attacking straight out of the gates. Attack after attack came up the right wing with Pete dazzling them with his speed. A stunned Caulfield were on the back foot and struggled to combat the intensely focused Malvern and it wouldn’t be long before AC would take advantage.


One such attack from the right saw Hendy end up with the ball in the box, then take aim and shoot only to have the keeper block the shot. Showing striker instincts, Flemo followed the ball in and pushed the ball past the keeper. A very happy goal scorer was heard yelling to Rafa on the sideline “Ivan, there you go!”


AC continued to bamboozle Caulfield for the next twenty minutes, but like true champs Caulfield wrestled their way back into the game. Finally at the 28th minute they answered with a goal to draw the game level.


Lethargy, or apathy kicked in and the Malvernites lost their shape, control and way. The back four were no longer a back four with many streaming forward in search of goal or glory. Midfielders were struggling to track back to cover the gaps exposing the remaining defenders. The gaps meant Caulfield managed to bang on another two goals without response and all was looking lost at 1-3.


A few tactical changes had to be made and Marty and Pete were moved back on the wings by Rafa. The back four regained their shape, and Sparky was stamping out some dangerous foray’s forward with his speed and chasing ability. The change stemmed the goal haemorrhage and even shifted the balance of power. Malvern resumed their attacks, this time coming from both wings.


Hendy picked up a ball played into space and charged toward goal. The goalie had come of his line and Hendy, ever the physics student, calculated that the best option would be a lob from 35m out. The ball, unlike the Jabulani, sailed beautifully through the air clearing the keeper and finding the back of the net. Could it be? Was this a comeback? 2-3.


In steped Captain Peanut who exerted his influence on the match. First, was a yellow card to Captain Cresswell for that sake of it as far as we can tell? Then, as Pete returned from a small break on the pine, the card was raised for coming back onto the ground from the wrong spot. AC was rattled and lost focus allowing Caulfied to take advantage and slot home a shattering fourth goal. 2-4

What happened next was nothing short of farcical. Rich Owen was given a little shove off the ball and decided to return the favour. Both players then moved on before Captain Peanut showed Rich a red card and asked him to head to the showers (pictured above).

AC was stunned, but determined and a ten men Malvern took it to the Caulfield boys. The lads were doing the best to prove the theory that ten men are harder to defend than eleven and it was working.

A panicked Caulfield defender took a rampant Hendy down on route to goal, but avoided the red card for being last man. There’s nothing like a consistent approach to refereeing a game, but hey. A free kick was awarded and the super Italian boots of the Scottish lad put it past the keeper. 3-4

Unfortunately, despite further attempts on goal the day would end in a disappointing, but confidence building 4-3 loss, especially considering it was against title hopeful in Caulfield. The good news of the day is that the rain clouds held off.

Another FFA enforced week off means another rest for the aging elite before lining up against Nunawading. Once again the challenge maybe getting people on the pitch with Owen suspended, Sparky and Colin overseas and Dave twanging his hammy during the game.


AC Malvern 3 – 4 Caulfield
Henderson 2, Fleming


Mannie’s man of the match: Pete Phillips
WAG’s man of the match: Mark Henderson